


Tell Me Something I Don't Already Know

by sherlck (scienceofdeducjohn)



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining Dirk, Touching, dancing to abba like actual dancing queens, matching outfits, oh no we're a fake couple so we have to slowdance, todd being an idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 15:21:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17286557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scienceofdeducjohn/pseuds/sherlck
Summary: Todd takes Dirk to a wedding. As his fake boyfriend. What could possibly go wrong?-Todd cleared his throat and had the decency of blushing only a little. “My boyfriend, yes. My boyfriend, Dirk.”





	Tell Me Something I Don't Already Know

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back on my bullshit at last! I wrote this literal months ago and then fell into the pit that is uni. Then finally came winter break and here we are! Hope you guys enjoy :)
> 
> The title is of course from a song by Harry Styles and even though it's probably not intended to be romantic, I still liked the line!

Dirk’s breath hitched in his throat when Todd walked into the office. He did a little spin in his black tuxedo, chuckling when he met Dirk’s gaze. “Really, Dirk? Do I look that bad?”

He swallowed thickly, and thanked heavens that words rolled off his tongue when he opened his mouth. “No! No, you look...” Dirk smiled widely as he took in the beauty that was his best friend clad in a suit that seemed to be tailored especially for him, and he nodded, “ _Amazing_.”

Todd looked surprised for a second, turning away a second too slowly for Dirk to miss that shy smile that he adored but rarely got to see as it was reserved for when he was caught off guard by a compliment or gift. His eyes would light up and his lips would part, corners of his mouth pulled upward. Dirk found this expression to be amongst his favourite Todd faces, along with Todd not being able to stop laughing, Todd doing that interested rare head tilt whenever Dirk made a point he actually found compelling, Todd trying to hold back laughter, Todd… Just. Todd. Always.  “Dirk?”

Dirk shook himself at the sound of his name. “Oh, right.” He took the car keys out of his pants to toss them to Todd before following him out the door. He’d tried to persuade him to let him drive, but he wouldn’t let him have it. Apparently, Dirk’s driving was ‘dangerous’ and ‘so chaotic that you almost hit the same man twice during a twenty minute drive’ and more reasons for which Dirk had tuned out in favour of staring at his eyes.

 

“Oh, Todd! Can we stop on the way to get a muffin?”

Todd shot him a look, shifting gears as they stopped for a red light. “I don’t think so, Dirk. We’re already running late. Besides, you’re just going to spill crumbs and cream all over your tux.”

Dirk tried to put on his best pout at that, but either Todd had spontaneously become blind or for some Godforsaken reason Dirk’s puppy eyes failed to work on him, because he shook his head. “Dirk—”

 

“I think I’m going to go for the blueberry one. No wait, chocolate. Chocolate is always a reliable bet, no matter how dingy the place is. There’s just really no way to fail at chocolate—" Dirk ignored Todd’s pointed sigh, but reminded himself that they were in fact on a tight schedule if they were going to want to make it to the wedding, “You know what, Todd? I’m just going to go for the blueberry one.”

Todd paid for his muffin because he was a good friend and an even better assissfriend and _not_ because Dirk had conveniently left his wallet in the car, and they hurried back to their (or rather, Farah’s) second-hand Jeep (much to the relief of the growing queue behind them). As soon as Dirk sat down, he sank his teeth into the delicious treat, and didn’t hold back a moan as the taste enveloped his tongue. Granted, maybe it was a little too loud. And maybe he shouldn’t have thrown his head back in bliss. But Todd had no right snorting like that as he pulled out of the parking spot. “Do you have to make that sound whenever you eat something?”

“Todd,” Dirk turned in his seat to better look at him, “This is the best blueberry muffin I’ve ever had. I’m really glad I was able to use my professional detective conversation skills to convince you to stop at that bakery, it’s just it’s mindblowing.”

“Okay, I’m sure it is.”

“No, Todd, you don’t understand. It really is _mind-blowingly good_.” And on an impulse, Dirk broke off a piece, and brought it to Todd’s mouth, awkwardly reaching over his body.

“Hmmmphhh! Drrk!” Todd glowered at him a moment, but Dirk insisted, and so he finally rolled his eyes and took the piece of muffin between his teeth. The thing was, Dirk had not in any way prepared to feel his lips brush against his fingers, and he sat frozen for a moment before hurriedly pulling back. Todd had ignored the contact, and was chewing away while Dirk pretended he was also very much not affected in any way by the sparks of electricity travelling down his fingers, his arms, his spine whatsoever. Really. If he shivered, it had nothing to do with it.

“It’s okay.”

Dirk made an affronted noise at Todd’s mellow concession, to which the latter responded with a laugh. Oh, he’d been messing with him then. Dirk rolled his eyes and took another bite.

 

They parked the car on the edge of town, on the parking lot of what seemed to be a wide-stretching park. There was only one spot left, and Dirk noticed some other people hurrying down the main entrance beyond which lay a path leading straight to some sort of huge mansion. “These relatives of yours, are they… very rich?”

Todd laughed and leaned over him to pull a gift box and a tie out of the glove department. “Yeah, you could say that.”

“What’s this?” Dirk took the offered navy tie. It was a gorgeous colour and soft as silk when he ran his hands across the fabric, and when he looked back to Todd he noticed the was tying a bowtie around his own neck. It was the same colour. He gasped, overwhelmed by the simple gesture. “You brought us matching ties?”

Todd looked a bit embarrassed as he adjusted his bowtie, shrugging. “The theme was black and blue, so I thought…”

He nearly squealed. “Thank you, Todd!” If it hadn’t been for the weird angle and their hurry, he’d have attacked Todd with a hug right now. As it was, the man in question was already slamming the car door shut, so Dirk quickly removed his simple polka dotted tie and followed Todd out of the car, already tying this brand new beauty of a tie around his neck. He felt that same surge of pride he’d felt back when Todd had first become his friend as they walked down the path in matching outfits. In front of them sprawled a wide meadow, grass stretching at least fifty meters in front of them before a rose garden. In the distance lay the mansion, and as they came closer Dirk stared at it in awe; it looked like it must have been a hundred years old, but had been expertly restored. The window sills and doors seemed to be freshly painted, glinting in the bright sunlight. To their right, just in front of the house and behind a wooden bridge arching over a little stream, stood a white gazebo in front of rows and rows of delicate wooden equally white chairs. Nobody was seated yet, and Dirk sighed in relief at the fact that his sudden muffin craving hadn’t in fact made them arrive late at a wedding. Dirk supposed that being late to a wedding seemed like exactly the type of thing that would bring you bad luck or some sort of annoying impossible to lift curse. “It’s beautiful here.”

“Yeah, it is. I’ve never been here, you know. I think they were just inviting as many people as they could to impress their friends or something.”

“Well then, isn’t your family coming?”

“They couldn’t, so they sent me as some sort of… ambassador I guess. I couldn’t exactly say no, after. Well.”

Dirk nodded.

“Which is why I asked you to come with me. I hate my distant family, and without Amanda or you here I’d probably either jump off the roof or get shit-faced wasted.”

“Ah.” Dirk smiled, a feeling of fondness blooming across his chest. Because that meant that Todd had chosen him because he thought he would make him feel better. Todd had sat down and actively thought, _how could I make this dreadful thing more fun_ , and he’d thought of Dirk. And it wasn’t like Dirk didn’t know that Todd liked being around Dirk, but still, whenever that simple fact was acknowledged he always felt intensely satisfied with the validation.

“Dirk?”

Dirk looked up from where he had crouched to smell a red rose, establishing for himself that they smelled better than the ones he’d gotten that time from that florist he’d helped find her missing family heirloom. Or rather, stumbled on it -- quite literally, in fact – a fascinating story involving golden necklaces and two lovely lesbians he had yet to share with Todd, who was currently waving him over to the door. “Oh, right!”

The lady opening the door was short and wearing an extortionately decorated white hat, which Dirk had to try very hard not to stare at. She didn’t recognize Todd immediately, but welcomed them in anyway when Todd introduced them. “Good afternoon, Mrs… Mrs. Barlow! R-Right?” And really, Todd lectured him on social interactions sometimes, but Dirk would argue that Todd was as at least bad as he was, if not worse. “Congratulations to your daughter from both Mr. and Mrs. Brotzman and my sister. They couldn’t make it, but I can, as you can probably see, so I’m here to bring you the message. N-Not that I’m not glad to be able to make it, but—”

To which the lady, apparently called Mrs. Barlow, responded with an inclination that suggested that she had not in fact been expecting him at all and might have forgotten about his existence all together, “Ah, of course! Theodore, it was? Come in, come in, we’ve been expecting you. And this young fellow might be?” The little pieces of fruit on her hat bobbed dangerously with her violent nodding.

“Dirk Gently, holistic detective!” Dirk held out his hand with a business card and shook her hand. The lady took the card with only a mild frown before stepping aside so he could enter the hall. (Todd’s rolling eyes hadn’t escaped Dirk, although he pretended they had.) The walls were painted beige, and adorned with mirrors and paintings of landscapes similar to the surroundings of the building. A wide marble staircase led up to the first floor, and he wondered what lay beyond.

“Ah, well.” She finally responded, drawing Dirk’s attention back to her; he found a slightly uncertain look on her face, “Welcome to you too, Mr. Gently. Most of the guests have relocated to the backyard, where you can replenish yourselves with tea and snacks as we wait for the bride to arrive. The ceremony is scheduled to begin in about half an hour.”

“Splendid.”

“Great.”

Having abandoned their gift on a table in the hall, they followed Mrs. Barlow out to the garden. “Dirk, please tell me you’re not going to give more people your business cards.” Todd hissed at him, softly enough that their host wouldn’t hear.

Dirk frowned. “Why not?”

“Because! It just seems so… well… cheap.”

“But Todd. What if they ever have a holistic emergency? Who are they going to go to? The _police_? Trust me, they don’t have the faintest clue about the importance of the interconnectedness—”

“—of the universe,” Todd cut in, “I know that, Dirk, but please, just. Just don’t, okay? This one time?”

Dirk rolled his eyes and conceded even though he was far from understanding Todd’s reasoning. Holistic emergencies demanded immediate action. And if Dirk wasn’t there to pick up the trail of connections, how could he help? Still, Todd had invited him here to make this whole ordeal more fun so he decided to give up the fight before it had started and made a mental note to lecture Todd on the importance of business cards when they got home. “Fine.”

‘Backyard’ was a vast understatement, Dirk thought as he took in the garden in front of them. Again, rose gardens took in at least a fourth of the field. A stone path led through it, past a fountain, to a terrace dotted with more wooden tables and chairs, and beyond that lay a meadow. Bright rays of sunlight made the surface of a small pond in the glimmer. Thick hedges lined the entire garden and closed it off from the forest behind. “Woah.”

“You can say that again.”

He guessed that there were at least a hundred people on the property, most of them talking while t each other on the terrace, some of them languidly strolling around the meadows. A server immediately jumped at them when they reached a standing table and took their orders for tea and espresso, leaving them standing close together and feeling distinctly out of place. Todd looked uncomfortable, looking around in silence for a long moment and leaving Dirk way too much time to gawk at his absolutely stunning best friend. Again, Dirk’s eyes caught on the bowtie. It really did complement his eyes wonderfully. He absently brought one hand up to his own tie and flattened it against his chest, attempting to calm down the butterflies persistently fluttering around underneath.

“You okay?”

Dirk’s eyes snapped up to Todd’s, and he hoped to god his cheeks didn’t show the blood he felt rushing to them. “What? Yes, of course I am, I am perfectly fine, in fact I don’t think I have ever been this fine in a long time. Which reminds me, Todd, are you feeling by any chance also feeling fine?”

Todd gave him a strange look but if he noticed Dirk’s blush, he didn’t comment on it. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Great! That is great, Todd. Considering I am here to make this entire thing more enjoyable for you that must mean I’m doing a good job.” Dirk rambled, grateful for the server who interrupted them with their drinks, “Thank you so much!” He waited for him to leave before turning back to his friend, “So, am I?”

“What?”

“Am I doing a good job helping you through this wedding thing?”

Todd smiled, “Considering you’re distracting me and that your presence is an excuse for me not to connect with other people, I would say yes.”

Satisfied, Dirk nodded. “Good.”

The whole not talking to people turned out to work great. Until it was time to be seated, that was. There were assigned seats, and sat down next to a middle-aged couple who seemed just the degree of mildly bored they were. The man introduced himself as a Mr. Mills and asked, “So, how do you two fellows know the lucky couple?”

After which Todd started on a complicated family tree type response that Dirk only half-heartedly tried to follow, choosing instead to smile at them, occasionally nodding along at random intervals in the story.

“We honestly don’t know either Carey or Killian that well either, apart from my wife working with Carey. We suspect we might just be here to fill these chairs.” He whispered conspiratorially, and Todd laughed.

“Yeah, same with us.”

The man eyed Dirk, then regarded both of them for a moment. “I do say, you two look lovely together.”

When Todd didn’t immediately respond, Dirk glanced over to see Todd busy looking rather shocked and even blushing a bright red, so he answered for him, “Thank you very much, sir. And may I say you and your wife look absolutely lovely as well?”

Mr. Mills looked surprised but thanked him, and Dirk sat back, satisfied. Like he said, these ties were truly wonderful. “Are you okay, Todd? You seem a bit… distracted.”

Todd looked at him with a smile bordering on a grimace, but he nodded.

Dirk was just about to query further when the band started playing ‘Here comes the bride’, and he sat back reluctantly for a second before he couldn’t take the incessant curiosity building inside him. Todd had seemed distressed, and Dirk hated not knowing when or why Todd felt bad about something. “Look, whatever you need to tell me, just tell me now, quickly.”

But at that exact moment, a murmur went through the crowd and everyone turned their heads, and for a short moment Dirk thought they were looking at him. Then everyone stood up in unison, and Dirk turned to find the bride had started walking down the aisle. He felt the warmth of Todd’s hand on his arm suddenly, remembered that he was still sitting, and got up quickly. His hand fell off again, and Todd whispered, “Not now, Dirk.”

“Just say it really quick and it will be over. Come on Todd, you can’t leave me hanging like that, you know how curious I get when you don’t—”

But Todd interrupted his argument by shushing him, and Dirk saw him looking around nervously, as if afraid anyone heard them over the loud music. It wasn’t very much like Todd to care so much about what other people thought, Dirk noted with growing curiosity, but then, maybe this being a wedding and all might make it a unique situation. “Fine! Just shut up, will you?”

Dirk nodded gravely at him, still looking at the bride being escorted down the rows of chairs by a man who was presumably her father. She was already halfway, so Todd had to hurry.

“I… The invite, it was for family only. You could only bring someone as your… your plus one.”

“Okay?” Dirk said, eyeing him again when Todd didn’t continue. That blush was back, and he was fidgeting with his sleeves. “So, what’s the problem?”

Todd sighed and seemed to steal himself. “So… that means I effectively told them that we… that you and I…”

“Yes?”

“That we’re a… a _thing_.”

For one staggering moment, Dirk’s heart seemed to stutter, and he had to remember to breathe. Too many questions filled his mind at once, and he was struggling to order them. One the one hand, this was exciting. All these people around them thought they were a couple. That they were boyfriends, maybe even husbands. And that man just now, what he’d said… He’d meant that they were a lovely _couple_. Not just friends, just brothers… The fact that this seemed to them not ridiculous, the fact that they thought Dirk could ever have someone like Todd, well… that was nothing short of mind-blowing. On the other hand, it seemed like a cruel twist of fate, or rather of the universe, to put Dirk in this impossible situation where he had to pretend to be the boyfriend of the man he loved. In secret. The man who didn’t love _him_.

So Dirk didn’t say anything as he said back down again, the woman having reached the altar in front of a waiting minister.

“Dirk?” Todd hissed next to him, a hint of desperation in his voice.

He opened his mouth to answer, at the exact moment the music faded, so he closed it again and looked at him. Todd’s brow was creased in worry, lips pressed in a thin line. He wondered why Todd was so upset about this, and mustered up a smile that he hoped looked more convincing than it felt.

 

The ceremony was beautiful but way too long in Dirk’s honest opinion, considering how badly he wanted to tell Todd that it was all okay. After what felt like hours, Dirk whirled on Todd, who was already getting up. “Todd, I just want to say…”

“No, it’s fine, Dirk.” Todd sat back down, answering in a hushed tone. “Really. I-I pushed you into this situation, and I’m sorry, okay?”

“Todd.”

 “I just don’t really wanna talk about it right now. Let’s just get out of here, I’m not feeling so festive anyway.”

“Todd, listen to me.” He hesitated for a moment, but finally gripped Todd’s arm tightly, squeezing once, twice. “It’s okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. Now, let’s go and congratulate the happy couple and then move on to the reception.”

Todd made a face. “Yeah, I suppose we should make an appearance, talk to some people.”

Dirk smiled, not missing the almost smile suggested by Todd’s twinkling eyes and the tilt of his head. He tried not to feel dizzy at the sight of him, cleared his throat and pulled Todd up.

The newlyweds were swarmed by guests declaring their wishes for them, but Dirk and Todd finally managed to push through and quickly congratulate them on behalf of his parents before following the mass to the backyard again, where the reception had begun. Just when Todd had managed to get a hold of a beer and Dirk a glass of rosé, they were ambushed. Someone slapped Todd’s shoulder, almost scaring the shit out of him; he jumped and whirled around. Dirk couldn’t help laughing at the sigh, even if Todd glowered at him for it.

“Todd!”

“Daniel!” Todd’s expression grew from irritated to excited in a matter of seconds. “I didn’t think you’d be here.”

Daniel frowned at him, and Dirk was fascinated to see that his frown looked pretty similar to Todd’s. His hair too, had the same dark chocolate colour, but he was at least ten centimeters taller. “I could say the same for you. I actually don’t think I’ve seen you at family parties in like, five years, dude. How are you?”

“I’m great! I’m good, yeah. Got a new job, so… What about you, Dan?”

Dirk was only slightly annoyed that Todd didn’t tell him that he was working with him, but successfully hid his pout by taking a large swig of wine.

“Yeah I’m good, dude! Just got a promotion, actually. I’m junior manager now.”

“That’s great!”

Daniel sipped his beer, and Dirk was wondering if this dreadful beer drinking habit was something that ran in Todd’s family when he asked another question that made the excitement on Todd’s face disappear a bit, turning into worry. Dirk tried to not feel hurt by that. “So, introduce me.”

“Oh, right! Um, Dirk, this is my cousin Daniel. Daniel, Dirk.” Dirk shook Daniel’s hand, remembering to resist the urge to give him his card.

“Hi!”

“Hey! So, you’re Todd’s…” Daniel trailed off, and it was only after a few seconds that he realized that he was supposed to finish his question. He glanced over to Todd, who was biting his lip and shrugged subtly at him. As if that was of any help.

“Yes.” Dirk ended up saying, “I am in fact Todd’s… Dirk.”

Daniel only looked more puzzled now, but luckily there was Todd to distract him; he started a complicated discussion on music which made Dirk zone out again, taking sips of his wine and looking around.

“Why did you say that?” Todd demanded as soon as Daniel left.

“Sorry, say what now? I tend to say a lot of things. Really, you should know that by now.”

Todd sighed. “That you were… my… _Dirk_?”

“I panicked!” Dirk gestured wildly with his hands to indicate exactly how panicked he’d been, spilling a little bit of wine on the ground. “I didn’t know what you wanted me to say! I know I’m supposed to be your date, but to what level are we supposed to play that up? Do we have to pretend in front of anyone, or only your distant family, or only some people or only in some situations or for everyone always at all times?”

Todd pinched the bridge of his nose. “Just, everyone, okay? Just don’t think about it too much.”

He nodded. “Got it.”

“Look, I’m sorry. It’s just… I’m going to get another beer.”

Dirk shrugged, twirling his glass between his fingers. Something ugly and sad settled in his chest as he watched Todd disappear into the crowd again, and he tried to push it down as far as it would go. He was supposed to make Todd feel better and he was failing miserably at the moment. Sometimes being friends with Todd was hard. Most times it came surprisingly naturally, but other times Todd acted cold and closed off, and Dirk found it hard to handle that without the universe to guide him through it. Up until Todd, he’d never had to do anything that wasn’t guided by hunches instilled in him by the universe. He’d survived, chasing those insistent feelings in a mad goose hunt, never really stopping to consider the possibility that there were things like _friends_ and _happiness_ and _love_ in store for him, ever. And then something had happened. Todd had stumbled into his life (read: Dirk had forcefully climbed into Todd’s apartment) and everything had changed. And Dirk… Dirk loved him for it. Even if it was all unfamiliar terrain for him, and he had to learn how to deal with all of this wonderful but exhausting new stuff. Farah and Todd respected that, of course, but Dirk had never really taken the time to explain all of this: how new it was for him, how unpredictable (not that anything in Dirk’s life was predictable, mind you, but this was an unpredictable unpredictability instead of the more familiar predictable unpredictabilities, and even if that didn’t really make any sense, he should just—)

“Hey.” An unfamiliar voice brought Dirk back to reality, and when he looked up he saw a handsome man in his mid-twenties casually leaning against his table, cocktail in hand.

“Oh, hello.”

“Alec Barlow,” He offered his hand, and Dirk shook it, allowing himself to notice his pretty green eyes, “I’m the bride’s brother.”

“Oh that’s right, you were the best man! I’ve always loved that title, _best man_ , it sounds so… positive.” Dirk smiled at him in spite of himself, pleased that this man – _Alec_ , would come over to talk to him, “Anyway, it was a lovely wedding. I adored every detail of it. I mean, the doves? That was _so cute_.”

“Thank you.” Alec chuckled, revealing a set of white teeth and two dimples in the process. Dirk tilted his head in consideration. He was rather attractive. He’d probably already be crushing on this complete stranger if it wasn’t for Todd. He took another sip of his rosé. “Can I ask, though, I don’t believe we’ve met?”

“That’s right, I’m just here with _Tooodd_.” Dirk squeaked when he felt an arm slip around his waist, and if he hadn’t recognized the figure out of the corner of his eyes he was positive he would have yelped in an even more embarrassing tone and made a pathetic attempt to karate-chop him off of him. It was all he could do to swallow thickly as Todd’s arm settled around him, warmth slowly seeping through layers of fabric. He was acutely aware of each separate finger resting on his hip, and Dirk felt like his mind had to restart in order to function again, all his systems busy screaming _Todd! Todd! Todd! Todd! Todd!_

“Hi, Alec.” Todd said with a cool air that Dirk envied. “How are you?”

Alec straightened as he shifted his attention to Todd. “Todd! Hi, I’ve just had the pleasure of meeting your, um…” He looked unsure as he finished with a questioning, “Date?”

Todd cleared his throat and had the decency of blushing only a little. “My boyfriend, yes. My boyfriend, Dirk.”

Dirk’s heart skipped a beat as he said the words, and he tried to remind himself that this wasn’t true, that none of this was real, that they were nothing more than assissfriends, that Todd didn’t want him as anything more than exactly that. Which is why he mentally kicked himself for melting into Todd’s arm, slipping an arm behind Todd and shifting his weight to lean on him.

“Alright, I get it, cool.” Alec said, sounding surprised. “I’m glad you finally found someone, little cousin. After, you know…”

“Thanks.” Todd ground out through clenched teeth.

After that, Alec started gossiping about the various members of their family. Unfortunately, not a single of those stories seemed to involve the universe or significant clues for cases, but Dirk did make the occasional remark about the universe anyway, if only to tease Todd.

When Alec turned away, Todd abruptly dropped his arm, clearing his throat again but at least not putting any distance between them. He peered into his empty bottle. “I-I’m sorry about that, Dirk. I should have asked if that was okay.”

Dirk wanted to scream exactly how okay it was, but instead took a deep breath and answered calmly, “It’s okay, Todd. I mean, we have to make it seem believable right?”

Todd finally looked up at him. “Yeah, but…”

“Let’s make them believe it, then. Come on, we’re going to the dance floor.”

“No, Dirk, you _know_ how shitty of a dancer I am, you can’t do this to me.”

But Dirk had already taken his hand and was pulling him back into the house, where the newly wedded couple had danced their first dance only moments ago; now the room was filled with guests dancing to ABBA. When Dirk recognized the song as being _Dancing Queen_ , he squeaked in excitement and yanked Todd’s hand to hurry before the song ended. He was fairly sure he had dreamed this exact scenario not too long ago.

“You’re lucky I’ve had two beers.” Todd yelled over the music when they had reached the middle of the room.

Dirk grinned, bouncing from foot to foot. “I know, right? It’s almost as if the universe wanted us to dance to _Dancing Queen_!”

Todd answered with a grin of his own, and Dirk failed to remind himself that he was only imagining the fondness in his eyes. For one long moment, everything was perfect. Todd in front of him, even when he laughed at his moves, dancing with him to Dirk’s all-time favourite song. Todd, brushing his hands against him. _Dancing Queen_. It was _so_ hard to pick favourites right now.

“This is so fun!” He shouted, pumping his fists in the air.

Todd laughed, grabbing his arms to guide them back down. He was still holding on when the song faded out, and a slow song started playing through the speakers. For a moment, Todd looked panicked, still holding Dirk’s arms. He looked around them, seeing all the couples step in close and shuffle around. Then Dirk watched him refocus his eyes on him, a question in his nervous eyes, so Dirk smiled and nodded, trying not to gasp when he let his hands slide over his arms until they found his hands and pulled on them to get Dirk closer. As if in a trance, Dirk complied all too willingly, tentatively resting his left hand on Todd’s waist as Todd did the exact same, bumping their arms together awkwardly. Todd let out a nervous laugh. He was still holding Dirk’s left right hand, but stood perfectly still, just staring at their intertwined fingers and frowning.

“Todd?” Dirk asked softly, “You know we have to move in order to dance, right?”

He let out that same tense chuckle but didn’t meet his eyes, biting his lip as he followed Dirk’s slow swaying. As the song progressed though, he relaxed into it until they were so close Dirk could theoretically just dip down his head and kiss him. Theoretically. In theory. Definitely _not_ in practice. He had also absentmindedly started stroking Dirk’s hand with his thumb.

A thought came to mind, then. “You know, I’d never thought I’d enjoy slow dancing.” Not when it was with anyone other than Todd, anyway.

“Well, it’s a good thing we tried it then. I personally prefer mosh pits, though.”

Dirk scoffed. “Please, Todd, you’re just saying that because you want to be perceived as the most punk, the absolute most punkest person ever to walk the Earth.”

Todd raised his head to look at him in offense. “I am punk.”

Dirk tried to swallow his laugh and failed miserably, much at the distaste of his friend, who was now scowling at him. “Todd,” He said seriously after he’d recovered, “No offense, but you’re literally slow dancing to _Harry Styles_ right now. You bought us _matching_ _ties_ for the occasion, for heaven’s sake!”

He let his head fall onto Dirk’s chest in defeat and unsuccessfully tried to hide his giggles since they  reverberated through his ribs. For the second time that night, Dirk’s heart stuttered at the sensation. He couldn’t help giggling with him. “Whatever.” Todd giggled, “God, Harry Styles, of all things. Please don’t breathe a word of this to Amanda. I’ll kill you.”

“I know. Honestly Todd, this is bad even for me, never mind for _you_.”

Todd smiled. Dirk couldn’t see, but he was sure of it. Todd liked to smile, even if he pretended he was a sarcastic bastard, and Dirk caught him sometimes, smiling at him when he thought Dirk couldn’t see. He loved that about him, although he wished Todd would be a prouder smiler.

The song ended quickly after that, and Todd stepped away from him when a voice sounded over the speakers, but he didn’t let go off Dirk’s hand. Dirk tried not to remain acutely aware of his fingers against his own as the voice announced that the bride and groom would now give a short speech. They monologued about their boring _boring_ love, how they met, how much they both loved dogs (that part, Dirk could appreciate), and told some inside jokes that neither Dirk nor Todd understood but half the guests went wild for. Finally, the moment had come for them to leave the makeshift stage when the bride tossed a bouquet into the crowd. Dirk found this a rather odd thing to do, and therefore made no attempt to catch it, even though he watched with growing curiosity as the flowers grew closer and closer to his face. Todd tried to yank him away but was too late, the bouquet colliding hilariously – that was, to the crowd, including a certain assissfriend – with his nose. Instinctively, he grabbed hold of it with both hands, and watched dumbfoundedly as the ten or so people around them started applauding and cheering at him. He frowned but smiled at them anyway, glad that his catching the bouquet made them happy. Todd reacted very differently: the expression on his face could be interpreted as being torn between bursting out in laughter and wanting the floor to swallow him whole, cheeks burning.

“Are you quite well, Todd? You look like you are either horrified by these flowers eating me alive or find them hilarious for some reason that’s beyond me.” He thrust the thing against Todd’s chest, testing to see if he would back away. Instead, he grabbed hold of it sheepishly.

“Dirk, do you… do you know what it means to catch the bouquet thrown by the bride?”

“Todd, you’re acting _very_ strange. What are you talking about? Flowers have no meaning, as far as I’m aware. Except maybe, if someone were to give them on Valentine’s day, I suppose. Or if someone is very sick and they’re in the hospital and… Alright, I guess some flowers _do_ have meaning, but why haven’t you interrupted me yet in your typical Todd fashion?”

“It means you’re the one getting married next.”

Dirk gulped, finishing the thought for him. “And they think we’re…”

“Yes.”

Neither of them said anything for a second, both musing about the consequences and expectations. “Well, that’s going to be one _massive_ disappointment.”

Todd blankly stared at him before bursting out laughing.

 

“…and I’m so glad our other partner Farah told me this story. She’s amazing, by the way. Imagine… a ninja slash survivalist slash marine type woman, _that’s_ Farah. Fantastic woman. Anyway,” Dirk gestured wildly with his hands to accentuate Farah’s degree of awesomeness to the small group of guests that had formed around him when he’d not so casually mentioned the business he was in. Todd had had left him to go to the toilet, and these people turned out to be actually very much interested in his adventures, judging by the amount of laughing and nodding going on. This in turn had made Dirk enthusiastic and so here he was, indulging himself in sharing some amusing stories, “…so there Todd was, chasing a literal rabbit, claiming and truly believing down to his core, that that bunny was me!” They all laughed, and Dirk grinned in satisfaction. That was, until he saw Todd appear next to him, and it would be an understatement to say that he was annoyed with his entertaining story. He grimaced at the little group and proceeded to push Dirk away, prompting more laughter, much to his chagrin. When they’d stepped outside, Todd stopped and turned him around physically. Dirk swallowed heavily, unsure as to what he’d done wrong but afraid to ask.

“Seriously?” Todd just asked, with that typical panicked disbelief in his eyes that he always showed when he was about to give him a monologue for doing something he would soon be calling words like ‘stupid’ and ‘reckless’.

“Umm…” Dirk shook his head slightly, hoping Todd would pick up on the fact that he had no idea what he’d done.

Sure enough, Todd sighed, shoulders sagging a bit. He looked away.

“I was just telling them about how you chased a rabbit thinking it was me, and how you went a little crazy trying to find me and wouldn’t eat or shower because you were so obsessed—” And Dirk cut himself off, suddenly realizing, “ _Ooohhh_ …Right.”

Todd looked at him, then, “Just, why did you have to… in front of them… Why, Dirk?”

“I…” Dirk was taken aback by his fiery reply, “I’m sorry, Todd. I didn’t mean to -- I didn’t, I really didn’t—” He cut himself off, trying to get Todd’s attention back, but he’d looked away again and had started walking towards the garden when Dirk didn’t continue. “Todd…”

He watched him walk for half a minute or so, feeling his guts twist into each other with guilt and dread. He’d caused this. Todd shouldn’t have trusted him, because he couldn’t do this. He’d been foolish to believe he could make his friend happy. But as he watched Todd walk away he couldn’t help but be reminded of that time ages ago in the middle of their first case, that moment Todd had walked away from him. And he remembered how Todd had come back to him after realizing… what? That he hadn’t been able to stay away from Dirk? But why? Why would anyone want to be near him? His instinct right now was to just leave him be, but then again he heard Todd’s words from so long ago echoing in his mind… “ _Friendship isn't just about someone being there for you. It's about you being there for them too.”_

 

Shaking his head, Dirk started dragging his own legs along the grass toward him, meter by meter, until he reached Todd. He’d sat down at the edge of the pond, hands digging into the grass and gaze fixed on an invisible focal point in the distance. It was quieter here, and it felt almost isolated despite it being barely fourty meters or so from the mansion. Dusk was approaching and most of the guests had retreated back into the house, taking the noise with them.

“Todd.” Dirk breathed, “I genuinely don’t understand why me talking about you upset you so much. I can see how it was a little insensitive, yes, and I’m sorry. But… I don’t deserve this.”

Todd finally looked at him, giving him a weak smile. “I know, Dirk.” And his eyes shimmered even in the setting sun.

“Are… Are you alright?”

He snorted, looking back to the water. “I’m a man in my mid-thirties pretending to be in a relationship with the man I… with my boss. My sister hates me, I have a disease I pretended to have for my entire life until I didn’t, I have no real income and I’m pretty sure no one in my family takes me seriously, not even my own parents.”

Dirk sat down on his knees so he was facing his left side and cocked his head. “I thought your sister forgave you.”

“I don’t think she’ll ever truly forgive me.” Todd’s expression grew solemn.

Dirk hummed something that could mean anything, or nothing at all.

“I mean, what are we even doing here, Dirk? I should never have dragged you to this.”

“Well, I think this all was a great success, if you must know. I learned a lot about you and your family today. There was a man who pulled up this photo on his phone of some family gathering ages ago, which showed you but with long hair?” Dirk laughed, “It was really cute.”

Todd groaned and ducked his head. “God, that must have been my uncle. He’s always out to embarrass me.”

Dirk smiled at him, allowing a silence to settle between them. He wondered if Todd really felt as depressed as he looked right now, about, well, about everything, even him. “You did have a point though, Todd. Why are we here? If you don’t even care about any of them?”

“I promised my parents.”

Dirk sighed. “Really, Todd? I know when you’re lying. Or, well, I know when you’re lying when you’ve had more than two beers. And right now, you’re lying.”

“Just let it go, Dirk, for once, let me just…”

“You don’t even care about them, for heaven’s sake!”

“Well I care about their opinions!” Todd fixed him with a glare, that same fire back again, leaving Dirk scrambling for more information about his reason to be upset.

He hated seeing Todd so annoyed, but he knew he had to push through. He didn’t know why, but the universe was finally giving him a feeling at this very moment, that he had to go on and annoy Todd just a little bit more, just until he would give way. Just a little bit more. “Why?”

Todd sprang to his feet, his entire body filled with tension. “Because!” He yelled, “If I can’t even impress all those people out there, all those people I don’t even know, if they don’t even see my, my worth, or whatever the fuck it is I’m so desperately trying to prove to myself… How am I ever going to see it myself?” Feeling like he was fixed in his place by Todd’s panicked eyes and even more panicked words, he couldn’t do anything but let it wash over him as he continued, “Or even better,” An empty laugh, “How am I ever going to be worthy enough of my friends!”

Dirk didn’t say anything, knowing he had to let Todd get it all out yet resisting the urge to scream at his best friend that yes, he was worthy, he was worth so much even if he didn’t know it yet.

“Look, Dirk, I’ve changed. Or, well, I’ve been trying, ever since you came into my life. And I, I never even thought that was a possibility! But then you—you somehow convinced me to do better, and. And now, I keep trying everyday to find a way to restore all those stupid _fucking_ mistakes that I made. Because it was you, Dirk. You made me want to be a good—a better person. And if I can’t even impress a bunch of relative strangers, if I can’t even make them like me, how am I ever going to make myself like me? How am I going to make my—make Farah and Amanda like me again?” He was panting at this point, and Dirk could see the veins in his neck showing up like they did when he got worked up, but this time was different, this time was just… _more_ , somehow. And it felt ridiculous to admit, but Dirk felt like the universe was telling him that something big was coming with the climax of this emotional rant. He held his breath, waiting. “And, Dirk, how am I ever going to be good enough for—for…” Todd trailed off, swallowing and shifting on his feet.

Dirk reached up, not knowing why, needing him to sit down and be closer. “Todd…"

Todd yanked away his arms, though, and it seemed to give him the energy to continue. “For _you_ , Dirk! How am I ever—how -- I’m not good enough for you.”

Dirk let out his breath in a rush, feeling dizzy with the implications of Todd’s words. He reached further, finally tugging Todd’s sleeve and prompting him to sit back down. His eyes were red-rimmed and glassy and looked absent. “Todd…” He said, for the umpteenth time, but for once not knowing what else he could say. Because really, what was there to say when your best friend slash crush had just admitted to feeling not enough for you when you’d always felt it the other way around. “You are, though. And what they think, it doesn’t matter. The universe chose you to help solve its mysteries with me, to help help people. That makes you unique and brave and _important_. None of them can say the same. They’re still stuck in their boring lives with their boring sex and their boring jobs,” Todd let out a strangled laugh at that, spurring Dirk on, “hating every day of their lives while we’re out there doing the real thing, solving mysteries and eating muffins and being good people and petting dogs and _trying_ _every_ _single_ day. And that’s good enough for Farah, and someday it will be good enough for Amanda.”

“Yeah right.”

Dirk ignored that, knowing by Todd’s tone that there was some teeny tiny part of him that believed him. He tried to put as much sincerity and belief into his next words. “And Todd, it’s sure as hell more than enough for me.”

Todd looked at him from under his brow. “Yeah?” He rasped, eyes growing big in disbelief.

“Yes! God, Todd, You gave me what I’ve always wanted. You gave me a best friend, someone I can trust blindly, someone I look up to.” And the look on his face was so incredulous, so uncertain that Dirk couldn’t stop himself from adding, “And… well frankly, someone I… I love.”

Dirk didn’t register Todd coming closer until he was yanking his lapels to pull him in until they were only inches apart, hyperventilating in the same air, but he stopped just shy of their lips meeting. This frustrated Dirk so immensely he opened his eyes (when had he closed them?) to study Todd’s face. He looked shocked by his own actions, fingers slowly opening up again and pupils blown wide. “I—Dirk, is it okay—” he whispered.

Dirk just nodded frantically and closed the distance between them, brushing their lips together in a gentle kiss. He gasped at the electricity shooting through the contact, then kissed him again. And again, and again, his hand smoothing the nape of Todd’s neck. Todd mirrored the movement, tugging lightly at his hair and making him exhale with a shudder.

Dirk felt hyperaware of every single movement and every single touch.

“Dirk,” Todd murmured against his skin. “Thank you.”

Dirk pulled back to look at him, dazed. “You’re very welcome. For what?”

Todd chuckled, “For saying all that. It was really… I needed that.”

“Well, I’m glad, because meant it. Every single word.”

Todd smiled at him, positively glowing in the moonlight, and when Dirk couldn’t resist the urge to kiss his cheek, he laughed again.

“Something funny?”

“I just…” Todd tilted his head, smirking, and moved his palm up Dirk’s neck to stroke his cheek while he said simply, “I can’t believe I got so lucky. To have you in my life.”

 “Same.” Dirk said, making Todd pause.

“Really? You can’t believe to have you in your life?”

Dirk rolled his eyes, sighing. “Todd—”

“I know!” Todd started laughing again, and Dirk could only hold his breath for so long before he was joining him. They ended up on their backs on the grass, shoulders touching and giggling at the stars.

When they’d both regained their breath, Dirk searched for Todd’s hand with his own, touching it with his pinky until Todd laced their fingers together. Dirk rolled his head to face him. “I just don’t get one thing.”

“Hmm?” Todd’s eyes fluttered open, and he met his gaze.

“It’s just… You said you wanted them to like you, to be impressed with you. So then, why did you take me with you?”

Todd rolled on his side, eyes on their intertwined hands, “You heard my cousin saying I hadn’t been with anyone in ages.”

“Well, you barely see him, right?”

“Still, he was right.” He admitted, softly, “They never expect anything of me. And they were right. Back then. But now I… I wanted to prove them wrong.” He sighed, “I know it sounds silly but I just, I wanted to show them I was doing perfectly fine now, with- with this new job and a car and a handsome British boyfriend with his own business.”

“You think I’m handsome?” Dirk teased him, tugging his hand until Todd scooted closer.

“Shut up.”

“I’m just repeating your words verbatim back to you, words with which you admitted to finding me attractive so you have no right—” Dirk was muffled by Todd’s mouth on his, and he grinned, which Todd handily used to his advantage, deepening the kiss, and yes this was very good, very good indeed, and Dirk didn’t care that he let out a moan that was a little louder than he’d intended because this was everything he’d ever wanted since he’d met his best friend, and now Todd was cupping his cheek with his one hand and rubbing up and down his back with the other and Dirk was pretty sure his chest would sooner rather than later combust with all those butterflies fluttering wildly against his ribcage. He wished Todd would never stop kissing him just when he pulled back, but when Dirk tried to pull him in again he leaned their foreheads together to prevent the movement. “Todd.”

“ _That’s_ how handsome I think you are.”

Dirk relented, letting his head fall back down on the grass to stare at him. “Wow,” He breathed, feeling blood rush to his face.

Todd met his eyes. “I feel the same.”

Dirk brought his hand up to feel his lip absently. “It’s just… I don’t think anyone’s ever said that about me? So, thank you.”

Todd’s brow creased, and he opened his mouth, no sound coming out. Then he moved forward to kiss him again, sweetly and gently. When he pulled back, Dirk sighed. “Can we just stay here forever?”

Todd squeezed his eyes shut. “Oh shit, we’re gonna have to go back. We’re gonna have to get up and walk back and say goodbye and then we have to drive back home. Can’t we just sneak off together?”

“Todd, I’d hate to break this to you but since we are in fact in our mid-thirties, we’re no longer a couple of high school kids.”

He opened his eyes again. “Then why are we lying on the ground making out in the garden of a house that isn’t ours at a party where we don’t care about anyone?”

Dirk laughed and sat up, tugging at Todd to do the same. This appeared to be another one of his infamous miscalculations however, since Todd roughly and easily pulled him back down until he landed flush against Todd, who smiled happily with the result and instantly took the opportunity to kiss him thoroughly, Dirk being all too glad to comply.

“Just a little longer. Just…” Todd whispered against his lips, hand stroking the nape of Dirk’s neck.

He didn’t need a reply as Dirk wrapped his arms around him as close as possible, but was given one anyway, a single word murmured against the crook of Todd’s neck. “Forever.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you (being the three people who still read fic for this fandom) like it! :)
> 
> (I also do commissions! You can check my tumblr @scienceofdeducjohn for the details.)


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